Just Love Her

A Service of Death and Resurrection for

Grace S. McIntire

February 16, 2016

A meditation offered by The Rev. James F. McIntire

John 14, selected verses

[Jesus said] “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In God’s house there are many dwelling-places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place

where I am going.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask God, and God will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees nor knows. You know this Spirit, because it abides with you, and will be in you.

 “I will not leave you orphaned; I am coming to you. In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me; because I live, you also will live. 

 “I have said these things to you while I am still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom God will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” 

  

Ð

I sat at mom’s kitchen table one afternoon near the end of April 1988. My daughter Lindsay had been born on the 19^th with some serious medical issues which we were learning would cause physical and intellectual disabilities. She was still at Children’s Hospital though we anticipated bringing her home soon. I remember sitting at that kitchen table feeling a sense of confusion mixed with anxiety. What would this all mean for me, for the family, for Tim who was not yet 4 years old? Was I equipped to be a father of a child with severe disabilities? Is anybody? What were we going to do? I wasn’t panicky or scared – just uncertain and unsettled.

Mom’s eyes, dampened with tears, looked straight at me, “Just take her home and love her.”

Anybody who knew mom knew that that statement was, if anything was, the foundation for her life. “Just take her home and love her.”

I can only recall one time when that statement wasn’t true. I was still living at home, probably during my college years, when one winter day brought lots of snow. By nightfall, dad announced that it looked so beautiful outside that he wanted to take a walk – did we want to go? “No thanks,” I said since I was warm and comfortably stretched out on the floor watching TV. Mom didn’t want to go out in the cold either so dad went for a solo walk. Maybe 30 minutes later, the door opened and dad said, “Look what I found!” and a huge, grey and white shaggy sheep dog covered in icicles and clumps of snow came bounding through the middle of the dining room and living room, smelling like a soaking wet wool rug.

“What the …?” I yelled as laughter blurted out of me and dad at the same time.

“He was just wandering around out there. He’s cold and probably hungry. We should keep him.”

“Johnny … get … that … dog … out of here!”

“But can’t we …?”

“Out!”

Dad lost that battle that night so back out into the tundra that old dog went – probably just ran home to wherever he had escaped from. Mom wasn’t saying, “Just take him home and love him” that night. Nope. And Johnny knew it and made the right decision.

But mostly that’s how she lived. And maybe why she lived so long. She knew how to love and how to offer that gift to everyone around her.

“Love one another,” Jesus told his friends while he was with them for one of the last times before his death. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15) He had just offered them words to calm them, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. … Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” And now he was telling them to love.

Loving one another can most definitely bring about fear and anxiety. It means giving up hatred, it means surrendering those grudges and judgments from deep within us, it means living differently than what the world expects of you. Mom never showed that fear or anxiety. She opened her heart and let all of us in. And if we were paying attention we learned how to do it as well.

I would always ask mom, especially when my brother and sister were around and there were strangers nearby, “Hey Mom, who’s your favorite? C’mon, you know. Tell us, who’s your favorite?” She’d chuckle and then laugh at the reaction of those around us. I asked her again just a few weeks ago. Mitch and I were with her in the physical therapy room and she was in good spirits, trying to do what the therapists wanted from her.

“Mom, who’s your favorite? Tell ‘em. Everybody knows. Tell these ladies.”

Know what she did? She stuck her tongue out at me.

I think she learned that from her little brother, my Uncle Jack. He who called her, “Old Bat,” had a tongue that could reach all the way out to touch his nose. And he would stick out that tongue to his sister whenever they were together. I can’t tell you how many pictures there are of mom sticking out her tongue at someone. I got her to show the nurses one day and another time, when a doctor was looking in her mouth he said, “Stick out your tongue” so she did it like she usually did – not as if you’re saying “ahhhh” but full-on sticking it out at him.

Anyway … “who’s your favorite?” She always got a kick out of it.

It has just recently occurred to me that any child mom met, any child that spent time with this amazing woman, any child in her presence thought that they were the favorite. Mom had the gift of making you feel as if you are the most important person alive. Any child who spent time with Grandmom, Aunt Gracie, Mrs. Mac, or however you knew her, felt like they were getting the best of the time she had available. “You are the favorite,” she would let you think.

Think about it. Recall a moment when you were the focus of this amazing lady. Who here has had that experience? You are her favorite.

Mom had no problem making friends. Even over these past few difficult months, mom pulled into her circle of friends the nurses and therapists, the aides and housekeepers, the doctors and social workers. These people cried when they learned of mom’s death. These are people who deal regularly with the reality of the aging process and with loss and grief yet when I went to see them on Wednesday afternoon just to say thanks, the tears were sincere and the caring words of love and respect were clear.

Wesley Enhanced Living in Doylestown has experienced Grace McIntire – and it will never be the same again.

And I suspect everyone in this room can say the same. Your life was never the same once you connected with this 5’1” giant of a person. Maybe you’ve known her since birth and you’ve never lived life without her – this will be the most difficult part for me going forward from today. Maybe you’ve known her since her school years – like the high school friends who continue to meet for lunch each month, a time mom would enjoy so much. Maybe she helped raise you into adulthood – like so many of the young children she provided childcare for or so many of our friends who we dragged home to the tiny house in Croydon. Or maybe you’ve just known her a few years and had hoped for more time with her. Our lives were shaped and formed by Grace whose life was lived through God’s grace.

Lacey gave me a card that I have framed and look at everyday which holds an African proverb: “I am because you are.” I can say with a grateful heart and with a loving prayer, I know that I am because mom was.

Jesus who gathered his friends around him as he knew they would be at a loss when he left them, knew the importance of being together and the value of shared love. Mom taught me who that Jesus was. Mom taught me the songs of our faith. Mom taught me the lessons of justice that shape me even to this moment. Mom taught me how to love and to live. Mom taught me how to be a parent and grandparent. Mom taught me the importance of living fully and of the abundant life God promises us. 

Of the many sayings mom shared over her years, the one we all probably heard as she grew older and outlived her siblings and my dad’s siblings was, “Well, I guess the good Lord just isn’t ready for me yet.” On Tuesday night when I sat with her for the last time, I whispered those words into her ear. “Mom, you’ve always told us the good Lord isn’t ready for you yet. Mom, God’s ready now.”  

As I was driving home that evening it suddenly occurred to me, “I’m not sure God knows what’s coming!”

Mom left us a few notes to help us through this moment that we all knew was inevitable. The one that will stay with me the most is this that she wrote in 1993:

    To all my family,

  When I leave this good earth and if anything drastic happens to me, I have one request.

  Everyone take whatever they want and dispose of what is left.

  Another request is that I would like all to get together often as a family.

              I love you all.

                          Mom

Not only does this mean that I have to continue to get together with my brother and sister – sheesh – it also leaves me with a reminder that the things we have is not as important as who we have around us. “Take whatever you want and dispose of what is left” but make sure you “all get together often.

Mom leaves us with those words. “Take whatever you want … but all get together often.”

“Peace I leave with you. Do not be afraid. Love one another.” Jesus said it. Mom lived it. We need to carry it forward from this day.

Thanks be to God for this graceful, grace-filled, abundantly graced woman – Grace Southwell Hallman McIntire.

Amen.

© Copyright, James F. McIntire 2016

Grace S. (Hallman) McIntire, died Ash Wednesday, Feb. 10, 2016.

Born Sept. 11, 1924, she was the daughter of George and Miriam (Achuff) Hallman and was raised in the Tacony neighborhood of Philadelphia with her eight siblings, graduating from Frankford High School in 1941.

In 1946, she married the late John F. McIntire who she met while both worked at Henry Disston & Sons Saw Works in Tacony. They settled in Croydon, where she lived for the next 70 years.

Grace was an active Cub Scout and Girl Scout leader for many years in Bucks County and Philadelphia, was involved with parent groups at Mary W. Devine Elementary School and Delhaas High School. She was a committed and active member of Tacony United Methodist Church from birth until 1999 when it closed and she joined Neshamony United Methodist Church in Hulmeville, where she was church secretary for 23 years (1988 to 2011).

Grace is survived by her three children, John Mitchell (Nancy) of Wrightstown, Patricia Ann of Croydon, and Rev. James Fred (Rev. Lydia Muñoz) of Drexel Hill, Pa. She was grandmother of 11 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren, and beloved aunt to numerous nieces and nephews.

A Service of Death and Resurrection will be held at Neshamony United Methodist Church, 325 Main Street, Hulmeville, 11 a.m. Tuesday, Feb. 16, where visitors may call at 10 a.m. Interment will be held at Sunset Memorial Park, Somerton, Pa.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to 'Lindsay's Gift,' a family fund providing accessibility grants to churches, c/o Rev. James F. McIntire, 200 Treaty Rd., Drexel Hill, PA 19026,www.gofundme.com/LindsaysGift