Inspiration Porn Star

A recent revelation. I am … an inspiration porn star. Yes, you heard it here first. At 59 years old I have just come to the realization that this 5’4”, grey-haired little guy is a porn star. Well, an inspiration porn star anyway.

Perhaps I should explain. Inspiration porn is the using of people with disabilities as an inspiration solely because of their disability which was coined by Australian disability rights activist Stella Young.

Me? I have become an inspiration porn star vicariously as a parent to my now 30-year-old daughter, Lindsay, who has intellectual and physical disabilities.  

“I don’t know how you do it. You’re such a great dad.”

“God would only give a child like that to parents who can handle it. You must be special.” 

“Do you really take care of her all the time? Oh dear, I just couldn’t possibly do that!”

“She’s one of God’s special angels.”

“God only gives you what you can handle.”

This is inspiration porn in all of its splendid, glorious, nonsensical nonsense.

I am, quite simply, a parent. And Lindsay is, quite simply, my middle child. No one praises me for my parenting of Tim the elder or Lacey the younger. To the world I am, quite simply, their father. Nobody special, nobody miraculous, nobody that God has chosen as the chosen one.

I have never heard:

“Wow, you taught Tim how to ride a bike? You must be so special!”

“Oh my, you helped Lacey learn how to tie her shoes? I never could have done that!”

“You are a dad to your children 24/7? God must have chosen you especially for that role!”

But when your child is born with intellectual and physical disabilities I suppose you instantly become an inspiration porn star. Lucky me.

Usually I just respond with, “No, she’s just Lindsay. Nothing special about her except that she’s mine.” What do people expect? Sometimes I want to respond, “Well, when she was a baby I tried leaving her out in the woods under a tree but she kept finding her way back.” But I guess that wouldn’t be so inspirational now, would it?

I often wonder about these purveyors of porn. Perhaps it’s an addiction. Do they really devalue themselves so much as to believe that they would have done differently? Are they so shallow that there is no comprehension that people are people no matter their abilities or circumstances? There is a sort of voyeurism in peering in on a life that is different than yours, commenting on it as if your life is better, and claiming inspiration when what you really mean is “Wow, my life could be worse, I could be him!”  

Stop it, you who do it. Stop the labeling and condescension and othering. Stop trying to put your own worries into perspective by pointing at others’ lives. Be inspired by all that is around you and let it make you a better person but don’t create your porn using me as your inspiration.

Porn stars get paid—inspiration porn stars don’t.

© Copyright 2018

James F. McIntire

All rights reserved.